Thursday, September 25, 2008

Things I look forward to

driving home and listening to the raconteurs new album, which is amazing. It's always sunny in philadelphia tonight. My life is pretty empty right now. That's an understatement.

So Far so Good, I Guess?

Ok, so now we've got some inner office strife. My new boss, this is boss number 2 in two weeks is fighting with one of my co-workers. This isn't newsworthy, but let's be honest nothing I ever post really is. However, she is freaking out and I find it both hilarious and tragic at the same time. So here is my dilemma, I really want to twist the kniofe a little and get involved and see what kind of mischief I can get into. She may get fired, but honestly, I dont' really care. My heart is blacker than the blackest black times infinity. I was already rather heartless prior to law school.

Aside: You know something is wrong or maybe right with you when you read a case in your first year torts class about rape and you laugh uncontrollably. Mind you it wasn't the rape, it was everything surrounding it. This is actually how I found my friends. we went over it in class and I looked for red faces while trying not to laugh and we found each other. My friends are some of the cruelest people I've ever met.

Ok back on point. So do I go in and see what kind of mayhem I can stir up, oir do I play peace maker and try to get them locked in at the rec center?

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

My Sense of Humor doesn't mesh with the Corporate Culture

Here are some examples.

1. "what do you think this thing on my leg is?"
my response-aids, you probably have the hiv and have about a week and a half to live. enjoy. Note this was thought not said.
actual response from concerned cubemate-it is probably a spider bite.

2. "my wife was reallyhappy to see you"
my thought-she was really happy to see me too, for sex!
actual response-aww I'm so glad, she's been so sick, chemo takes a lot out of a person
yeah, i almost made that joke when his wife has the cancer. do I feel sorry? No

3. "this woman has children with different men, what a whore."-I actually said this to the person sitting next to me in training

her response-"I have two kids with two different dads, I guess that makes me a whore"

my response-shrug

that happened on my 3rd day. however it's killing me. I want to talk about aids and gay and dumpster babies, but I have no one who is anything like me, jaded, overeducated and bored. everyone is chipper and happy and fuck that. come on where are you other evil me? you have to exist. I'm considering putting out a personal.

meeting and various sundries

Well, I had a meeting this morning. Luckily of course nothing got done. I did manage to take notes. and here they are, brief but it's all I've got.

-I need to learn to never come to these early to avoid some of the stupidest conversation on teh face of the earth. I should circulate a memo letting people know it's ok to have silence. Today's small talk conversation was about the migration habits of geese and ducks. we have a large pond out just outside the building, I think to create some fake sense of oneness with nature or serenity, honestly i'm not sure why they did it. But there is it, anyhow there were a couple ducks and the person while waiting asked why you get so many ducks and geese int he summer and they leave at the end? really? is this what we have to talk about, am I an orinthologist?(sidenote, I just looked this up and POW I was right, eat that SAT)

-"there is nothing more frustrating than receiving a letter well after the date on the letter says" Really? I can think of so many other things that are so much more frustrating, but hey that's me, I hate everything

and the scorecard

meeting length 45 minutes

team:4 times

scrubbing- this apprently means removing information that isn't necessary to do the task at hand: 4 times

agreeing while actually disagreeing: 1

quick and dirty: 2

prOcessEES: 7 times

Monday, September 22, 2008

meeting is defined by webster as a group of people getting together and accomplishing nothing


I have never had as many meetings in my life as a student or semi-professional as I do temping for this company. This marks meeting number 6 in the last 5 days and I have one scheduled for tomorrow at 8:15. The real kicker is that I go and sit mute and think about everything else. But things have changed my friends, oh yes the things have changed.

I took notes today and let me share them with you

man this girl hates silence and needs to fill dead air with useless talk. please no more talking about the weather within each department.

ok so the boss is here, why do they all need the worst possible haircut and an ill fitting suit? It doesn't make you seem any more authoritative. It makes you look sloppy and slightly out of touch with the reality that is you.

ok score card time: 16 minute meeting

5 finger quotes from the boss lady

3 proactive

3 prOcessEES

1 I'm not disagreeing, but. . .(for the record yes you are)

1 ownership of responsibility. um what?

random bills thoughts

3-0 feels pretty god damned good. However as a long suffering buills fan I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop. It almost did yesterday, but this new bills team did something I'm not used to, coming up big when it mattered most. I'm not used to this and am not sure how to feel. Sure we won but am I being greedy for this next thought? How could we only beat the raiders on a field goal as time expires. But it felt really good to stick the football dagger in Al Davis' virtual heart.

Trent Edwards is the real deal, and Marcus Stroud is utterly awesome.

I think Donte Whitner and Marshawn Lynch are overrated.

Does it make me a bad fan to enjoy my favorite teams losing almost as much as them winning? I feel horrible, ok that is a bold faced lie. I love to feed off my friends suffering and they suffer so much at the expense of the bills and buckeyes. I wish I could lean over and lick their tears. I'm a posterchild for schaudenfreude. for example. I have several close friends who share the same affliction that is being a buckeyes fan with me. and when they were going to play usc I secretly hoped a little that they would lose, just because I KNEW how poorly these two unnamed friends would take it and I wanted to feed off their pain. OSU got killed and I'm feeling like I had a huge helping of sorrow turkey and angst stuffing with a nice anger gravy.

I was watching the Bills-Raiders game yesterday with a couple friends and a small part of me, the glutton, wanted to see them lose just to see the look on their faces to hear the empty tones in their voices and the pure hate and anger.

So again, bad fan or worst fan?

First. Post. Evarrrr.

Ok so let's talk about me. I'm 33 and recently took the New York State bar exam and to float my extravagant, peanut butter and jelly sandwich for lunch, lifestyle I had to find a job between the exam and when I might actually be able to start work, which would be February, if everything works out. Fingers are crossed.

Currently, I'm working as a something for a large health care company. I'd describe what I do, but to be honest 1. it is incredibly mundane, and 2. I don't know that I could explain it with the clarity that it truly deserves. Instead let me try to explain my typical day.

7:30-7:50 am: I wake up having lost quite a bit of real estate over the course of the night to my two dogs. I generally feel groggy, and have a sense of dread, but that usually hits when I wake up in the shower.

7:50-8:00 am: Here I shower do the necessary functions, washing, shampooing, trying to think of ways I could hurt myself and keep it looking like an accident. At my other jobs, working as a law clerk, this was not really a problem. I'd go over what I needed to accomplish that day. Not here. No, now I try to find ways to not go to work. Then the proverbial pie to the face slams with awe inspiring viciousness that I'm broke as shit and I HAVE to go to work. Which as you might imagine makes me feel even more trapped.

8:00-8:30am: Best part of my day, I get to pick out which one of my outstanding tie collection I'm going to wear, ted baker paisley, or huge boss pink? Hmm but again I'm reminded of where I work and how in the end for what I do, I could wear a pair of jean shorts and a "who farted" tshirt complete with singe marks. However, in my quest to rise above I put together a solid looking outfit, and that makes me feel slightly better about myself. But not about my day.

8:30-9:00 am: How the fuck is the drive this fucking long? are you serious? you can't be serious! I go john mcenroe on traffic and poor drivers.

9:00-9:50 am: here I come in and log on check my email and see that of the 35 I got, 3 actually pertain to me. Quietly I wonder why I was cc'd on this when for what I do I dont' actually need it. But fine, well that's going right to the trash. I look around the dingy light blue, cube and decide that I'm not going to decorate this, it is one of many acts of subversion that may only be noticed by me, but they a small boost. Then I go on to my task this usally takes about 30 minutes

9:50-end of day: try to look busy, walk quickly around the office carrying some paper, every so often I'll have to fax something. Usually, I spend time reading articles on I get furious about mccain and palin and simmer. I listen to loud conversations about next to nothing and wonder how these people can do this every day with no end in sight. Oh and everyone says hello, in an incredibly friendly, best day ever manner. I hate that. I generally nod in acknowledgement, again a small act of subversion. I spend lunch sitting in my car and listening to jim rome thinking about how I'm going to fill the next 3 hours until I go home and can enjoy nhl 09.

4:30-5:00 pm: see 8:30-9:00 am

Thanks for suffering through this with me, now help me help you get through your day. Post some comments stories anything worth reading. I'm going to fill this with whatever comes to mind. Possibly an ohio state comment, a bills comment, and maybe even some sabres talk.