Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Profiles in Workage

So today I'm going to talk about a co-worker. I'm torn, there is a young man we'll call him Fill, he's a sweet kid, utterly and totally incompetent but he's nice and means well. Then there is an older woman, and she too is incompetent, also sweet, and also means well. She is more interesting but not much.

So, we all know my story, took the bar, totally unprepared for life after the bar and not sure exactly what I was supposed to do, tried to find a clerk job after pretty much every firm handed out clerk jobs. So as a last resort I went to a temp agency and here I am, doing menial work for not much, but also there are serious benefits to this. I get to just fly totally under the radar, and be incredibly lazy without any of the higher ups raising an eye. They love that I have a law degree and seem to defer to my education and obvious intelligence. I get unlimited time to surf the internet and talk on the phone, intermittently dealing with the aggravation of actual workstuff, but that generally takes up 5-15 minutes of an hour. What I'm trying to say is that a monkey could do my job and probably be slightly more efficient. This is important to know as I profile one of my fellow temps.

The saga of My female co-temp.

She is probably around 40, has a couple kids, she has an incredible moustahce, which for the life of me I can't figure out why she doesn't have it removed. George Parros would be jealous if he saw this thing. Other than that she is incredibly unremarkable.

She absolutely cannot figure out how to use a computer, at all. I don't mean she isn't good, no, she needed my help to create a folder on her desktop. I imagine at some point in the very near future she will issue forth several grunts and start smashing the monitor with the keyboard. This is not at all uncommon with people who grew up outside of the computer era, except for this, she worked for a computer distributor. How is it possible to have that job and not pick up even the most rudimentary knowledge about operating a computer. Christ, even neaderthals figured out how to make and use crude tools.(I am not sure that they did, but it fits well in my narrative so let's all just go with it and move on.)

But again, that's nothing. Here is the most amazing thing I've ever seen. she does the exact same job I do, but what takes me 5-15 minutes seems to take her all day long. I described her to my wife like this. "I dont' know what she does but she is always doing it." At first I thought I was doing something wrong. But, then I decided that can't be possible. So I became the male Diane Fossey and she has become my gorilla in the mist. I will update with my observations as I learn and better understand the office busy person doing nothing.

Here is the thing. I have mastered the fine art of looking busy and not being busy at all. My alt tab finger is billy the kid quick, my peripheral vision is outstanding, my walk is fast paced and my look is generally always serious. So yes, that part is all down. She also seems to have it mastered, except she never surfs the internet or makes any personal phonecalls. She just sits there and very very slowly goes over what she is supposed to be doing.(I think, my research is in its infancy.)


So there is a gym where I work and I use it 3-4 times a week. I generally dont' work up a huge sweat and am not high enough yet to be able to take 90 minutes to go through a routine, cardio and shower. So here is the question, is it wrong for me to work out, take a ghetto shower by washing my body like a hobo in the sink and reapply deoderant and put my work clothes back on and head back to work?

Corollary-what's with all the old dicks in every single gym locker room. Put a towel on for decency's sake! No one likes your old balls. and this room isn't big, I had to do some barry sanders type manuvering to avoid them brushing up against me.

1 comment:

I am so wise said...

"So here is the question, is it wrong for me to work out, take a ghetto shower by washing my body like a hobo in the sink and reapply deoderant and put my work clothes back on and head back to work?

Go for it and if anyone bitches tell them it's something you learned in the army or you're trying to protect the water supply by minimizing the chemicals you input. If necessary babble about how body odor is organic and better for mother nature and everyone would love it if it wasn't for "Big Deodorant" propaganda.